Today I am pleased to welcome my friend, Catrina Welch to the blog as she shares how heart-break and loss led her to find her voice. #BeBoldGirl
There are times in a woman’s life when her heart becomes burdened and her mind becomes obsessed by the relationships she holds dear. These times may be joyous and exhilarating, like when she first falls in love; or they may be discouraging and depressing, like when she no longer feels valued or appreciated.
I call these times “Confidence Conflicts” because they can cause us self-doubts. Of course we question our worth when others criticize and condemn us; but even when all our relationships are healthy and happy, a dream-life can conflict with our confidence if we feel we do not deserve it.
To be bold on the journey, we must be confident.
I was hit with my first major Confidence Conflict just ten days after announcing the pregnancy of my first child. I was living the life of my dreams, with a thriving career as a hairdresser. I was married to a man who I was very much in love with when suddenly my dream became a nightmare. He wanted to leave me for another woman.
Confidence Conflicts can cause boldness.
My nature was rather reserved before that nightmare, but I wouldn’t say I had no confidence. I had good and godly parents who, when we faced difficult times, taught me to believe in others and because of their faith I saw the grace of God first hand. I had a confident faith; but I was not bold. In fact, somehow I got the impression that loving my enemy, submitting to others and dying to self meant that timidity was more godly than boldness.
I was wrong.
With the fear of raising a child alone I began to seek God’s heart on the matter. I’m not sure I became bold yet, but I did find my voice.
To be bold on the journey, we must be balanced.
A bold person is typically fearless and outspoken. Not all of us are bold by nature, but when we (or our children!) are hurt badly enough, we will find the strength to speak up. I think the key is using the right voice. There are four:
- Passive: This quiet, complacent voice tends to downplay the challenges, ignoring reality, and thereby allowing the problem to have control. I call this the desolate voice. To be boldly passive is to be stubbornly stuck.
- Passive/aggressive: This indirect voice tends to sound and look pleasantly passive, but in reality it is very aggressive. I call this the deceptive voice. To be boldly passive/aggressive is to be manipulative.
- Aggressive: This strong and commanding voice tends to take charge of the situation at hand with determination. I call this the demanding voice. To be boldly aggressive is to be abusive.
- Assertive: This strong and compassionate voice tends to submit to authority and wisdom. It knows it’s place and seeks the will of God. It acts in His strength with fearless faith. I call this the serenity voice. To be boldly assertive is to be Christ-like.
To be bold on the journey, we must be assertive.
When I faced the Confidence Conflict of my divorce, I let my emotions rule my life and I used whichever voice I could muster up at the moment–sometimes I was boldly out of line, other times it was insecure and timid, but seldom was I assertive. And I did have to raise my child alone for awhile, but in the end I was beginning to develop my voice.
Assertiveness, like maturity, does not happen without experience.
If life is a journey, then there will be many challenges along the way. My new husband (of twenty years this May!) and I have personally faced many more significant Confidence Conflicts. Each one has made us stronger for the next.
If you are struggling to be bold today, I encourage you to try to keep perspective of the whole journey and keep pressing on. If you continue to learn and grow, then don’t worry, your voice will develop. Be bold on the journey.
The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. –Proverbs 28:1
Catrina’s motto is “don’t waist your pain, let it drive you to make a difference in your world.” Her life’s experiences of rejection, betrayal and loss drives her to use her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach to empower women with CONFIDENCE and BEAUTY.
Catrina has written four books and has a weekly blog. She and her husband Ron have four children, Andrew (23); Billy (18); Rebecca (with Jesus) and Victoria (15). They reside on Cape Cod, Massachusetts. You can find her blog, which is featured in the Cape Cod Times, at http://catrinawelch.com/blog/ Also, be sure to visit her on Facebook, Twitter, Pintrest and Linkedin.