Today I am pleased to welcome my friend, Catrina Welch to the blog as she shares how heart-break and loss led her to find her voice. #BeBoldGirl
There are times in a woman’s life when her heart becomes burdened and her mind becomes obsessed by the relationships she holds dear. These times may be joyous and exhilarating, like when she first falls in love; or they may be discouraging and depressing, like when she no longer feels valued or appreciated.
I call these times “Confidence Conflicts” because they can cause us self-doubts. Of course we question our worth when others criticize and condemn us; but even when all our relationships are healthy and happy, a dream-life can conflict with our confidence if we feel we do not deserve it.
To be bold on the journey, we must be confident.
I was hit with my first major Confidence Conflict just ten days after announcing the pregnancy of my first child. I was living the life of my dreams, with a thriving career as a hairdresser. I was married to a man who I was very much in love with when suddenly my dream became a nightmare. He wanted to leave me for another woman.
Confidence Conflicts can cause boldness.
My nature was rather reserved before that nightmare, but I wouldn’t say I had no confidence. I had good and godly parents who, when we faced difficult times, taught me to believe in others and because of their faith I saw the grace of God first hand. I had a confident faith; but I was not bold. In fact, somehow I got the impression that loving my enemy, submitting to others and dying to self meant that timidity was more godly than boldness.
I was wrong.
With the fear of raising a child alone I began to seek God’s heart on the matter. I’m not sure I became bold yet, but I did find my voice.
To be bold on the journey, we must be balanced.
A bold person is typically fearless and outspoken. Not all of us are bold by nature, but when we (or our children!) are hurt badly enough, we will find the strength to speak up. I think the key is using the right voice. There are four:
- Passive: This quiet, complacent voice tends to downplay the challenges, ignoring reality, and thereby allowing the problem to have control. I call this the desolate voice. To be boldly passive is to be stubbornly stuck.
- Passive/aggressive: This indirect voice tends to sound and look pleasantly passive, but in reality it is very aggressive. I call this the deceptive voice. To be boldly passive/aggressive is to be manipulative.
- Aggressive: This strong and commanding voice tends to take charge of the situation at hand with determination. I call this the demanding voice. To be boldly aggressive is to be abusive.
- Assertive: This strong and compassionate voice tends to submit to authority and wisdom. It knows it’s place and seeks the will of God. It acts in His strength with fearless faith. I call this the serenity voice. To be boldly assertive is to be Christ-like.
To be bold on the journey, we must be assertive.
When I faced the Confidence Conflict of my divorce, I let my emotions rule my life and I used whichever voice I could muster up at the moment–sometimes I was boldly out of line, other times it was insecure and timid, but seldom was I assertive. And I did have to raise my child alone for awhile, but in the end I was beginning to develop my voice.
Assertiveness, like maturity, does not happen without experience.
Tweet ThisIf life is a journey, then there will be many challenges along the way. My new husband (of twenty years this May!) and I have personally faced many more significant Confidence Conflicts. Each one has made us stronger for the next.
If you are struggling to be bold today, I encourage you to try to keep perspective of the whole journey and keep pressing on. If you continue to learn and grow, then don’t worry, your voice will develop. Be bold on the journey.
The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. –Proverbs 28:1
Catrina’s motto is “don’t waist your pain, let it drive you to make a difference in your world.” Her life’s experiences of rejection, betrayal and loss drives her to use her expertise as a cosmetologist, image consultant and Biblical life-coach to empower women with CONFIDENCE and BEAUTY.
Catrina has written four books and has a weekly blog. She and her husband Ron have four children, Andrew (23); Billy (18); Rebecca (with Jesus) and Victoria (15). They reside on Cape Cod, Massachusetts. You can find her blog, which is featured in the Cape Cod Times, at http://catrinawelch.com/blog/ Also, be sure to visit her on Facebook, Twitter, Pintrest and Linkedin.
Linking up with Holly Barrett at #TestimonyTuesday and Jaime Weibel at #SittingAmongFriends
Confidence is my word for the year. I like how you broke down the 4 voices. I tend to flip into passive but to be confident will include being boldly assertive, I say! And thank you for mentioning it is a learned skill, giving hope that it can be learned with practice.
Ahh, yes. It is in the challenges that we develop that which God designed us for. I’m excited for you, because with Confidence as your word you will become what you focus on. Many times since my book came out I wished I hadn’t named it Confident Beauty because my confidence was truly tested and tried. But how can we be helpful to others if it was easy for us, right?
I appreciate this. Recently, I found myself being aggressive and I didn’t like it. It’s not me. Though taking a faith stand and in the right, I told my mother I would not become what I hate. You really aren’t showing God’s love and when passive or peacemaker doesn’t work, assertive is the way to go.
So true, Rebecca. God is a God of balance and assertiveness may not always be easier, but wow is it less stressful! Walk in peace my new friend. 🙂
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What a powerful message, Catrina!
Thanks, Rachel, for sharing your space. My heart needed these strong words today.
Michele,
Glad to hear it was helpful. Keep pressing on with fearless faith.
Catrina, thanks for sharing your testimony so BOLDLY here today. 🙂 I love the word “assertive,” and you’ve shed light on it for me today. We submit to God’s wisdom, and we walk with fearless faith. It’s amazing what God can do with our lives a we look to Him and follow Him.
Rachel, I’ve missed your blog! Just haven’t gotten here in so long. Thanks for hosting your friend today. #TestimonyTuesday
Betsy,
So true! Submitting–even to wisdom–is not always easy, but our faith is the only thing our Lord requires of us, and He is so faithful to come through when we don’t give in to our fears but trust Him instead.
Life really does bring so many challenges along the way. I love your definition of an assertive voice. A lot of people wouldn’t view assertive as being wise enough to submit to authority but you are so right about that. My story is similar to yours. My first husband and I had a very difficult divorce and I was a single mom for awhile. I remarried 16 years ago and we have a wonderful marriage even though there have been plenty of “confidence conflicts” along the way too :). Thank you for sharing your story here, Catrina. Many blessings to you!
Candace,
I appreciate your words of affirmation, thank you. No matter how many challenges we face on the journey, our God is bigger and He is powerful enough to help us through. Keep pressing on with boldness and confidence!