But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love (Nehemiah 9:17 NLT).

As we move toward the holidays, many of us are thinking about people we will be spending time with. Some will be friends and family we enjoy being around, and can’t wait to see. Others may be people we dread being in the same room with them, for a variety of reasons. Or, we may be reflecting on those we love, who we wish we could be with, but cannot.

Relationships can hold a lot of emotions. Words said months or even years ago still sting and bring deep hurt. Even love can bring disappointment that can turn into resentment. And forgiveness, for others and ourselves, can feel difficult.

Nehemiah describes God as “a God of forgiveness.” Mercy is not simply something God does occasionally. Mercy is part of who he is.

This verse comes in the middle of remembering Israel’s repeated failures. God’s people had been stubborn. They had forgotten what God had done. They had turned away from him. Yet God did not abandon them. He remained gracious and merciful.

This is the mercy you and I receive too.

God does not wait for us to become flawless before he forgives us. He does not stand at a distance, arms folded, waiting for us to prove we deserve another chance. His grace moves toward us.

Receiving that mercy can change how we approach the people who have hurt us, too.

That does not mean pretending the hurt did not happen. Forgiveness does not make harmful behavior acceptable, nor does it always mean a relationship can return to what it was. Sometimes relationships require boundaries. But resentment is a heavy burden to carry.

We can bring the hurt honestly to God and ask him to help us loosen our grip on it. Often forgiveness is not one dramatic decision, but a repeated willingness to place the offense back into God’s hands. God is patient with us in that process too.

Before the holiday gatherings begin, perhaps there is a name you need to bring to God.

Begin not with how you need to respond to the other person, but with what you have already received from God:

Mercy.

For yourself: Where do you most need to experience God’s mercy today?

For another: Who is difficult for you to think about with compassion?

Forgiveness: What hurt or resentment do you need to place into God’s hands again?

Gratitude: Where has God been patient and gracious with you?

Bring those reflections to God.

Pray

Merciful God, thank you that you are gracious, compassionate, and patient with me. You know the hurts I carry and the words and actions I still replay in my mind. I do not want resentment to take root in me. Help me receive your mercy first. Then give me the willingness to extend forgiveness where I have been hurt. Give me wisdom where boundaries are needed and grace where relationships are difficult. When old feelings rise again, help me place them back into your hands. Thank you that your patience with me does not run out. Amen.